then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
