There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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