By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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