I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
