Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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