Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize