The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
