just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize