i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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