i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
