White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
