Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
