wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
