It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
