She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
