I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
