Who did Billy Mays play for?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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