please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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