I'm drive I can fine osifer
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
