I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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