I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
