If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
