Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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