I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
