yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
