Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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