Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
