she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you had me at cake vodka
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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