Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
