Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
