he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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