Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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