He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
