ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize