Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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