my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
