why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
