Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
