I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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