I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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