take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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