we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
