Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
