I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
