he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
