I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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