I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and she was petting her beer can
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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