Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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