I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
that may or may not have been my penis.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
