Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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