I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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