I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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