Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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