so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
