haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
