dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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