Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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