the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
