yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you inspire me to be a worse person
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
