I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
