Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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