He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
