he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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