Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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