Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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