We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
