He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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