the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
