dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
