Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
